I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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