I wanna bring you to show and tell
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
