need another drink. this is the easiest way
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
