I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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