Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize