so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just threw up on my dentist
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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