i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
