They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
