TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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