you guys were way drunker than both of me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
