It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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