If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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