If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
