After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
