i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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