i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
