Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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