I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
