i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
