Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
