totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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