Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
