i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
