You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
