I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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