There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
