ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
