wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
