I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
