Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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