Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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