He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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