Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize