im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
