I got chris browned last night
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
