how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
