this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
