I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
