We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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