At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Houston, we have a blender
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
