i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
