I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
