she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
