Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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