So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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