I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Drunk is not a location!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
