I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I AM VODKA MAN
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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