then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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