mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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