i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
