I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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