Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize