Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
