Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
