i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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