I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
