You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
