I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
