Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
