I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
