Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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