I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
