I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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