walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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